I don’t believe in a lot of things, some of the time.
Some days I believe that I have a purpose here in the world, and some days I don’t. I’ll go for weeks believing in God and angels, then all of a sudden I think that I’m crazy for ever having done so. Sometimes I’ll believe in Project X, go gung-ho over it for a while, then all of a sudden the urge to work on it disappears in a puff of smoke, then I go back to watching TV and have no clue what just happened.
Can you relate?
And it doesn’t help that our society screams for us “to believe in ourselves” and that “we can have anything we want if we just believe”. All kinds of self-help books tell us that we can “go after our dreams” and “nothing is impossible.”
For some of us, though, it just isn’t that simple. We’re not taught what a belief is, how to find and examine what it is for ourselves, and how to put a plan in motion. This is very much true for myself. I hear everyone say that I should go after my dreams, but often I haven’t a clue on how to do that. (And I’m not quite sure that they’re doing it either, by the way.)
At some point in our lives, our ability to believe is tragically squashed by someone important around us, often a parent. By someone who didn’t believe in their own selves and anything greater than them. So, of course, we didn’t get a very good lesson. If we haven’t learned how to hold onto a belief and see it through, we end up floundering around. Then our self-esteems suffers and we’re less likely to try again in the future.
So how can we pull this back together and find what our beliefs are and consistently work toward a positive outcome?
I find that extensive journalling helps me a whole lot. I have to really know myself deeply in order to move forward. A conversation with myself can go something like this:
How can I believe in myself?
I really can’t because if I did, then I have to feel worthy, and I don’t feel that way.
So why don’t I feel worthy?
Well, because my Dad never told me that he loved me or never praised me for anything, etc., etc.
Have I really processed those feelings about my Dad? Really dug deep?
Sort of. But it’s really scary when I get down to those feelings about being loved. I have to decide if I want to go to that scary place and root out the feelings. If I don’t, that’s ok. But I have to realize that if I don’t go there, then my chances of really, truly, deeply believing in myself are slim.
Ok. I’m going to go there (under protest, of course) and examine this stuff because it’s important.
Good job, Karen. It will be a process and this won’t get fixed overnight, but I know that once you get started, the Universe delightfully conspires to help you out.
This is a process that does take time and effort, and the rewards are great. I continue this process because having a clear space around me that is rid of old beliefs and feelings is priceless.